New Year New Motto

"Wait, you make two dinners every day?! Why?"

This was a conversation that shocked me. I did not realize parents were making two plus meals a night, one for themselves and one (or more) for their children. That sounds exhausting! Which brings me to why?

The why was simple: their kids won’t eat the dinner they made so they end up with an “adult meal” and a “child meal.” This stops the mealtime, whining and tantrums. But it comes at a huge expense. 

I am a no bull sh*t kind of mom. I think it happened relatively early in motherhood, probably because I started out with twins. I didn’t have time to cater to each of my boy’s individual needs, I was just surviving. We established a system where what I prepared for them to eat, they ate. Of course, as they reached full blown 3-year-olds they had opinions on their food. But so did I. Maybe it was because I could compare them (well your brother is eating it, so you can try it too)! Maybe it’s because I took a child’s nutrition class in college and learned some very useful information (it can take a child up to 17 times of trying a food before they’ll eat it). Or maybe it’s because I’m stubborn (who me)? Let’s be honest, it’s very likely all 3 and more. But when one of my opinionated toddlers did not want the food I had made, I came up with a system. He had to have 3 bites and then he could be excused if he still did not want to eat the meal. However, if he decided he didn’t want the meal after his 3 bites, he did not get anything else, that was it. I stood firm on this, no snacks a hour later, it was dinner or nothing. I was sure not to incentivize them (clean your plate and you get ice cream!), but if one of them asked for a treat later, they were given it if they had eaten a reasonable amount of their dinner. My goal was simple, they needed to learn to eat real food. 

By the time my daughter was born, my middle child reached that lovely toddler stubborn age. Now if anyone is as stubborn as me, it is him. My husband would joke with my son that he had met his match. This child of mine likes control, and from a very early age figured out what he could control; one of them being meals. He thought he could just refuse to eat the dinner, and then eat whatever he wanted later, especially if he whined and cried. Sorry for him, but he had three other siblings, and his antics didn’t work for me. The rules were the rules. And he got to choose if he was eating or not. Almost every single night for a whole year, he would refuse dinner. He would eat his 3 bites and then be done. He knew whining wouldn’t change anything, so he did not even ask for food later. He knew the rules. Now before you start thinking this could harm his development, growth, etc. I can assure you of two things. One, he made up for the calorie deficit every morning. He would have breakfast, and then a second breakfast a couple hours later. When the kid wanted to, he could eat. Second, he has always been a happy, healthy boy. He is now 12 years old, healthy and alive and well. In fact, he eats dinner every night; it’s his favorite meal of the day. So how did that happen? How did he go from being the kid who refused dinner to not being picky and eating it without complaint? 

Time, patience, stubbornness and sticking to my rules. One day he just kept eating after his 3 bites and from then on, he’s eaten pretty much everything. Fast forward to today and my rules have not changed. Of course, not every dinner I make is something they all want or even like, but they all know that this is dinner. Eat it or don’t eat. In fact, I have a plaque that sits in my kitchen with our motto:

Don’t be dramatic. They won’t actually starve. They just won’t eat that night if they don’t eat what I’ve cooked. Best part, they’re in control. In fact, they’ve been in control since they were toddlers. My kids get the choice. They get to choose whether they’re eating that night or not. Hear me on this. It is THEIR CHOICE. The rules are the rules, but they choose how they want it to play out. This has been so freeing for them and for me. There are no arguments or fits. I only work at providing one meal, and they choose whether they eat or not. And I’ll give you a little secret…

They always make the choice to eat. Even if it isn’t their favorite meal, they eat.

My kids have learned to eat a variety of foods and flavors. They’ve been exposed to a lot of different meals and have no expectations that mealtime should look like “kid meals,” in fact their favorite meals are diverse and filled with meats and vegetables.

I hope you find this inspiring and encouraging. You can take dinner back. You don’t have to work at making two nightly meals. Kids should be eating the same well-rounded meals you eat. Their bodies are growing; they need all the nutrients, vitamins and proteins that a healthy meal provides. How else are they going to become adults who eat well-rounded meals? And you get your time back! You get to keep some of your sanity. And you can feel accomplished when they dig into their healthy meal (even if it takes a year of 3-bite dinners to get you there). If you want to succeed at this, stick to this year’s New Motto, Eat It Or Starve! And do not waiver!